Far Away Man

Unhindered by syllabic obligations, these poems in the A-B-C-B-D-E-F format will introduce you to a world you'd never want to visit.

The world of Far Away Man

When I was in secondary school I wrote a poem in a study period during which I was sitting next to a friend of mine, Leo Baines. He and I found the ensuing poems hilarious. I wrote some, he wrote some, we laughed till we cried and were then chastised.

I don’t know where the original poems are now but I have occasionally continued to write Far Away Man poems in the same format.

Below are 11 poems. The first poem is an introduction to the series and the following ten are a selection of some I have written over the years in an attempt to amuse myself.

I hope you too are amused.

There's a man I have heard of
In a far away land
Nobody hates him
For no-one knows this man
He is lonely
He has no friends
But he's actually really really nice

Far Away Man
Has a boot for a body
He has no faith
You can't say he's godly
He passes his time
By station walls
And sometimes goes to the cinema but not often

Far Away Man
Once went abroad
He sailed in a boat
And when it was moored
He leapt out in joy
With his hands in the air
And three men beat him up

Far Away Man
Went to a party
It was fancy dress
And really quite arty
When all of the judges
Had made their decisions
He came 43rd out of 100

Far Away Man
Misses his parents
They live just next door but
They're hidden by their fence
It's no mistake
They raised it on purpose
Because they are embarrassed by him

Far Away Man
Doesn't like trouble
Unfortunately though
He lives not in a bubble
So anywhere he is
There's always the chance
That someone will frame him for something he didn't do

Far Away Man
Is as short as most midgets
A boot for a body
A face and 5 digits
Those are his toes
And contained in his boot
Although removing the boot would kill him

Far Away Man
Has a book full of people
Standing by churches
In shadows of steeples
Some of them are priests
Some of them bishops
Some aren't members of the clergy at all

Far Away Man
Is the friend of a squirrel
He first met the rodent
In England, the Wirral
He's been up to visit him
Once, maybe twice
But he rarely sees a squirrel he can be sure is definitely the same one

Far Away Man
Has a guitar and banjo
He loves old George Formby
And has his own fan show
It was on TV
In England and Wales
But it received too many complaints from pianists

Far Away Man
Has an evil twin brother
Far Away Malcolm
They have the same mother
They also have
The same father of course
But his identity is not 100% certain