Preamble – Jed Croft is an amateur film-maker who has some celebrity connections. He is making a documentary about the obsession we have about ‘the body beautiful’. His documentary is taking place at Bench Club a gym run by a man called Steven Bryers in the year 1999. This exchange takes place after Jed asks Steven whether he would allow anyone to join the gym if they weren’t that interested in benching.
STEVEN:
We have two toilets at bench club.
JED:
(confused)
Right...
STEVEN:
One, is labelled Men, the other is labelled Men
who bench.
JED:
OK. What are you saying?
STEVEN:
The Men's toilet has been out of order for two years.
(sinister)
We haven't called a plumber.
JED:
I hadn't noticed that.
STEVEN:
What do you mean?
JED:
I didn't notice what the toilet's said on them.
STEVEN:
Well why would you have?
JED:
I mean, when I went to the toilet, I didn't notice.
STEVEN is leaning forward squeezing his wrist trainers
STEVEN:
You must have noticed it was out of order.
JED:
W...well, it wasn't really? I don't...maybe I used
the one that's not out of order?
STEVEN is staring at JED.
JED:
I must have done.
STEVEN:
That's not strictly protocol. You must surely have
seen the sign on the door.
JED:
Well, I don't recall.
STEVEN puts down his wrist trainers and leans back.
STEVEN:
Right, one door says Men the other says Men W B
right?
JED:
Oh! Yeah. I saw that but I thought that meant like...
water basin or something.
STEVEN:
Men – Water Basin? What's a water basin?
JED:
(embarrassed, stressed)
Well I don't know!
STEVEN:
Well what did you think the other one was?
JED:
Women? I didn't read it.
STEVEN puts his head in his hands.
STEVEN:
Women? This gets worse. It's just not protocol.
STEVEN points at MARCUS.
STEVEN:
Did you go to the toilet?
MARCUS:
(amused)
I go in the morning at home. Sometimes in the
café across the road at lunch. Never here though.
STEVEN:
Even if you didn't need it I mean.
MARCUS:
Why would I do that?
JED:
Yeah, why would he do that?
STEVEN picks up his wrist trainers and squeezes them.
STEVEN:
I don't know, maybe to film him.
STEVEN points at JED.
JED:
Whoa. Come on, why would he do that?
MARCUS:
I'd draw the line there.
JED:
Well I wouldn't ask you to would I?
MARCUS:
Probably not.
JED:
(annoyed)
Definitely not!
STEVEN rubs his head. He looks as much perplexed as he is annoyed.
STEVEN stands up. JED flinches. STEVEN walks to the door and beckons to JED.
STEVEN:
Come with me.
FADE OUT:
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